Green is Obscene

This weekend I did an assessment of some products in my home and was distraught over my findings:

It is very important to me that these matches comply with strict socioeconomic and environmental standards!

For shame! I like this one.

Fine, this one too.

Ew! I'm green!

To make matters worse, I decided to take a detox bath with Epsom salts this weekend (that sounds bad enough) and almost cleaned my shower with vinegar and Dawn dish soap first. VINEGAR AND DAWN DISH SOAP. I did stop myself, but for realz! What's next... I stop wearing deodorant and start baking with spelt flour and carob chips?!

In the green scheme of things, I guess these few things aren't SO bad. I really like that Method cleaner (even if it does have that Lorax-approved message on the side of the bottle). But it smells nice and whatevs, it's not TRULY all natural, anyway. Just to ensure I wasn't on a slippery slope to hippie-ville, I also found these products among the natural junk, which made me feel better:

Crunchy marshmallow and sugar-coated whatever bits for breakfast. Does it get any better?

Duh. Just duh.

Then, tonight, I went to my friend Dana's own personal co-op apartment for a bit. And this is what I find:

 

 

 

 

You can wash your face AND your clothes with this?

No words.

This is what Dana considers pop. No aspertame... no caffeine... no fun!

I would rather chew through my own colon than chew on an organic graham.

A-HOLE wheat bagels forever.

I heard the only thing that gets your clothes REALLY soft is animal fat.    

Oh, dear Dana. Such a sweet, crunchy healthy friend. Thanks for letting me into your apartment so I could capture every organic, free-range, hempy, all-natural, sustainable, alternative, toxin-free, renewable, good-for-the-earth item you own. I will be sure to pay you back, with either a delish (trans-fatty) dinner, or even better! A 12-pack of bubbly, acidic Diet Coke :)